a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
