I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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