We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
