If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
