I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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