I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
