Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
