his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
