Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
