I'm gonna have a badass scar
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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