She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
