you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
