He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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