Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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