The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
PANTIES FOUND
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