i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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