my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
