I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
