it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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