guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
