We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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