I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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