Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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