I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
