He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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