i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
