i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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