it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
