i jhust puked up my retainher.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
