I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
