omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
