Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
