You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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