I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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