Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
