drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
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No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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