true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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