I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
