Don't make out with my wife yet
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
