i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
