Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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