you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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