SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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