you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
what day is it and did you see me today?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
