He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
