Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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