my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
