so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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