if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
