I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
