Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
