i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
