OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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