he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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