Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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