Im at strip club and am horny
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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