Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
