Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
