i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
