You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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