we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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