so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
