maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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