well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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