homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
