my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
